今日のthoughts & 姫コーデ

 Hi family, just posted Tomonya's blog pics. I read a little bit of her blog. It made me sad. She had posted quite a few pieces I really relate to.. and also things about gal that I agree with wwww, but methinks I'll post what I agree with a different time :-3

 I feel this is how I end up sounding a lot 🤔. Even having been taking my mood stabilizer, I still feel like there's something 'off' in my brain. I end up saying a LOT on my story as a result, and I've been spending a lot of money lately.. When I sit and really think about it, and I read through past journal entries, I feel like I've been behaving more erratic lately.. I don't know how to change it. 

 It's frustrating because just a few years ago, I used to have months long periods of feeling nothing. I wasn't sad, I wasn't "happy". I would just go about my days and it was fine. I was seeing a therapist during those times, and she'd get frustrated when I'd say I wasn't feeling anything. But I honestly wasn't; it's not that I lacked the words, I just felt blank. But when those periods of nothing passed it was awful, and I was back to flipping back and forth between the extremes again. It's always just so frustrating; I don't want to think and behave that way, I want more than anything to go back to feeling nothing. That's when I feel best.

 I tried to explain that to my mom the other day. How I've been acting more out of pocket this last month, and how when I felt nothing it was better. After having experienced it, I think that's how most people feel all the time. It's not fair. Life would be so much easier if everyday could be like that again. I think she finally understood what I meant. 

 As far as today's make & coord go, I was finally able to find white tights :-3! I'd wanted them to wear with my JD and La♡Pafait dresses. I got a pair of thighhighs with bows on the front, and a pair of fishnets with a snowflake pattern. Those are the ones I wore today cus I thought they'd match better. 

 And for makeup I did the usual look I go for. I'd done it for the first time when I'd had this dress tailored, and it's become my standard make. I've deviated from it a bit with my last few agejo looks. I wasn't really happy with those tbh. I didn't like how they looked as a result. 

I like this pic most :-3

I forgot to post this picture, but I think I look like Ayurina in it :-3 so I also like this one

 I went out on Tuesday and got a new makeup brush. I'm very picky about brushes, but I'd talked to Kirin on insta a little bit about old school make and she recommended an angled brush. So my mom gave me money to buy one :-3. I used it today to define my eyebags and I think it looked really nice. It's how I'd been wanting it to look before :).

'It' brushes for Ulta, no. 122, Angled Liner

 I'd asked on my story earlier if JD or La♡Pafait suited me more. Most everyone said JD... I don't know how to feel about it. I like JD, it's very elegant, but I don't really see myself as an elegant person.. When I think about it it makes more sense than LP though. I'm not very cute like their designs, it doesn't suit me as well. It's rude, but I'm envious of the other girls I know. I think they're all very cute and pull off hime gyaru and La♡Pafait in a way that I can't.. As much as I love it, I don't think I have features suited for hime. It's frustrating. 

 To be honest, I think manba suits my features best. It still alters the face in a way that disgusts most people, but I can look in a mirror and still see me. I think agejo alters my face more.. It makes me look more like a doll, so much so that once I take it all off I barely recognize myself as being me in the mirror.. I think it's the wigs 🤔.. But having done my 'agejo style' make today, and looking at myself in the mirror now, I don't look like the same person at all. Agejo makes me much prettier. 

 My latest Mercari order shipped yesterday, I'm really excited for it to arrive :-3!! This one has the most items I've ever ordered, and I got some cool stuff :)! I still don't know how I want to share what all I got.. I'll probably make a tiktok to show the 'bigger' items, and post that to insta as well. But I was thinking about making a blog post to show what I got, like how Anji shows her gets, & maybe adding try-on pics as well :-3. I don't know ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. I was also thinking about making a youtube video so I can show you guys & the general insta family what all I got in more detail, but I don't know or really understand how to make videos... so. we'll see. But I think I'll make the blog post .. I look forward to it :-3

 I wrote a lot, but that's all I have for tonight. Sorry I always write so much, but I have a lot of thoughts and don't have many places to put them.