パギャル cont..

  I like to start things with like, wonderful news family, or beautiful day today family, but truthfully I am very rarely having an even 'okay' time lately; and then when I am having a good or nice time, no one is able to tell, which is unfortunate I think. Makes a lot of people think I hate everything and everyone, which is unfortunate cus I don't, I just happen to look and sound like that. what to do, what to do... I'm really not sure there is anything to do to fix it. When I force it, people can tell and they're putoff, but when I don't, people are putoff cus I look and sound like it's the worst day of my life. where was I going with this. uhhh. Basically, my dad is right, I have to make an effort all the time to look and sound like everyone else does because most people won't understand how I look and talk. If I keep looking flat in the face people will think I hate them. If I keep saying any random thought unprompted, people aren't going to understand when I'm just saying things as like. statements or as an observation. because other people don't think the same way I do, so they're not going to think of what I'm saying as being just that, and that it comes off as being rude. He says I end up being very polarizing by how I talk and act, and my wanting to be around people even if idgaf about what they're on about or understand them won't be enough because other people don't feel or think the same way about me. He's right, but I don't know how to act different. Like, he's been telling me this stuff since before I started school and I'm still struggling with it. Like, the people I see all the time and the people I've known either in school or like, for a hundred years online understand how I talk and stuff, but.. I don't know.. I wish it was easier to act like other people.