weight

  Hi family, I don't really got much of anything fun to say. no wait. Okay I have 1 fun thing to say. But I wanted to talk about my weight problem today so feel free to skip this entry 🦧

 But uhm, I don't know how I want to start.... Got told by another lady while out at work today that she's jealous of how thin I am. It made me think of working at the salon last year and the teachers & clients at nail school. I've actually put on 5-8 pounds since 2021 😺, but I still don't weigh as much as I did. It just sucks when people say these things to me, cause like. I know the majority of people, especially ladies, don't have 'my' weight problem, theirs is the opposite. So most people take what I'm saying as boasting :/. It just sucks.

 Back in 2020 I had started a new medication that made me sleep 19 hours a day, everyday, for 2 weeks. And I had lost 20 pounds in those 2 weeks as a result. If I had weighed any less than I did before starting it, I would have had to have been hospitalized.

 While I don't have Graves disease like my dad (hyperthyroidism, your body produces too much of the hormone), my body does (and doesn't) produce more T3 & T4 and fluctuates more than it should. As a result, I don't lose or gain weight. Because of that, and the fact I'm 5'5" and only weighed around 100 pounds, my mom and primary doctor were Seriously worried for about 9 months. cus it didn't matter that I ate regular meals and they were Good meals, I wasn't able to put on any weight.

 When I started nail school I still only weighed around 105lbs, and my mom and doctor were still worried. But at that point, restrictions had mostly let up, and I was able to go outside and in public again, and that's when I started getting comments from other people. 

 In my head, I think I look normal, but everyday it is made more clear to me that I do not look how I think I do. So the entire time I was in nail school, and the entire time I worked at the salon, all of these people from the ages of 20 to 55 would make comments to me along the lines of, " you're so skinny! I WISH I could be as thin as you without having to diet!". Very cool Sarah! Why would you say that to me! 

 So I feel comments like that for the last 2 years haven't helped with my already warped sense of self. I truly have no idea how I look to others. Cus in my head I look like my boss and my coworker, but both of them say I'm very thin. But then I'll go and make one of my outfit videos and I think I look like I weigh a normal amount. it's so hard to tell.

 But truth be told, the only reason I've been able to put on any weight at all over the last 6 months is because my dad has to have a VERY high protein diet. He's been able to put on weight from it too, which is something he's never been able to do either. But, he had been hospitalized last August (?). His thyroid levels were so high, he was quite literally a week away from dying. And that's when he was diagnosed with graves disease. 

 So when he came home, he needed to change his diet so he could put on weight, cus he'd lost 30 pounds. So. him and I pretty much eat the same now. same portion sizes too; can't eat a lot :/. Such is life.

 Well, that all sucks but I'm glad to have it all written somewhere now. I don't want to end up hospitalized like my dad, and most people probably just assume that I'm a hardcore dieter like lots of ladies, so I just have to deal with the mental anguish 👍

 On a swag note. packidge.... 😺