redone MA*RS look 🩷

  Hi family, today I decided to do an agejo look using one of my dresses I've only worn once. When I'd worn it before I didn't have any wig pieces. Let me see if I have a pic to compare. .... I think I deleted them :/ hmm. Still. Today was a revamped look of of what I'd previously done. 

today's outfit pic

dress: Sugargloss MA*RS

tights: target

shoes: Dear My Love

necklace: Jesus Diamante

accessories: swap meets, savers

digi cam pic & pinterest style purikura (⁠=⁠^⁠･⁠ｪ⁠･⁠^⁠=⁠) I liked how this one turned out even though I don't love the pic

and then on my phone, I liked this one the most (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

 That's as much as I have as far as today's look goes so if you'd like to avoid my brain arsenic, I'll see you next time :-3)

 As far as brain arsenic goes, I have been having a terrible 2 weeks. I've been doing mainly tsuyome/reiwa style makeup & outfits recently. I haven't been happy with them at all. When I go out ladies like the way I look and tell me so, but I don't feel right with what I have on. Plus I feel like I can't get the look to be 'gal'. Like none of the makeup I do suits how my features are set and my bone structure. And like, I'd said all this on my story yesterday; lots of people responded 🙁. I think Charm had said it best, she'd said it's like "gal dismorphia" and that I've gotten too accustomed to how I look; everyone else still thinks I look crazy. It made me feel a lot better tbh 😭😭.

 My friend Kira had some genuine critique, and I agree with everything she said. But, it's just hard. She'd said most of my problem is likely coming from my hair, and that some of my best gal looks are when I use bangs, cus it makes my looks more like Himena's. Like it gives more focus to my eyes and the pinks I use for my lips and cheeks. I am glad that she thinks my looks and my make are good, cus I think the same of her :). I think she's real nice and looks very complete, and I'm glad I can go to her for information :).

  But talking about my hair combined with Stella's blog post from last week all just makes me feel worse. Like, I've always wanted really long hair, like Olivia Hussey in Romeo & Juliet, but at this point I feel like I'd be better off just cutting it all off, and just using wig pieces when I do gal. 

Olivia Hussey for reference

 I'd cut all my hair off 3(?) years ago and had a boys cut, and it's just grown out to what it is now. but, since getting the Prisila bangs piece, so many people online and in my day to day life have said I look so much better with it. and it's all just.. discouraging I guess. Like, I realize my face would look better if I had bangs, and other people would think so too, but it just sucks.

my original haircut

 I realize I haven't really shared my thoughts about Stella's blog and how it relates to this. But uh, her blog post made me upset because growing up and still today, I get told the same things she did. that because she's androgenous looking, she was never feminine to other people to the point people'd call her a tranny. like, in later elementary and middle school people would tell me I sounded and looked like a boy with long hair. In high school I'd still get told I looked like a boy, less that I sounded like one, but still.

 I've been thinking more and more about that the last couple weeks. It all just makes me feel like there's no point trying to make myself look a certain way outside of doing agejo. Like I should just cut all my hair and start dressing like a boy again. It just sucks knowing everyone thinks I look better when I look either completely like a 14 year old boy, or complete over the top Himena Ousaki style gyaru. 

 When I write it out I feel more convinced to stop putting in the work to look gal day to day. What I've done the last 2 weeks just feels like wasted effort. At this point I don't see the point in continuing to grow out my hair, I know other people aren't gonna perceive me how I want to be perceived, and that I'd look better if I just looked like a boy. 

 

I didn't take many pictures today, but it's 10 and I want to lay down so that's all I have for today.