今日の衣装, thoughts, & ネイルカラー

 good evening awesome & beautiful family. having a not swag day as per usual ✌️😺.

 my body's been killing me the last like, 2 and a half weeks since having had 1 week off work at the beginning of the month. it's been awful, I'm back to how I was October through January. I'm exhausted constantly. I haven't been doing anything on my days off and I've been sleeping like 14 hours again cus I'm so tired. I haven't felt up to doing any makeup bc of it. whatever.

 anyways, left my house today cause I needed to drop off a package, and I'm almost out of mini eggs. I missed all the discount easter candy at the stores 😿. terrible. went to like, 3 different stores today and found no mini eggs, but got a new doll, another porcelain mask, and some more bracelets. I didn't have like any bracelets until 2 weeks ago and now I have some nice wood ones :D. I haven't thought of a name for this doll, so I'll have to think about that., but while I was out today quite a few people were like, straight up gawkin at me.. like girl what... I wasn't wearing anything weird or anything. it was the same look as when I wear my more "normal" MA*RS dresses out. I don't.. I don't know what to think.

todays outfit...

 top: alba

shorts: roco nails

shoes: from Ross, brand is Italian Shoemakers

bracelets from Savers

 but uh. posted these 2 pics to the account Michigan homies and my lovely aunts follow and my friends were saying I looked beautiful. I don't post pics of myself often on there, but I have more recently, and idk. people I know in real life, and also people out in public have been treating me differently and staring at me weird in public lately and I don't know why. I feel like I'm just being like,.. paranoid again,,, cus I do go through phases like that, but this specifically hasn't happened before. something about it is different. it's weird.  

 idk. I feel like some of it is the fact that there is something kinda off about me mentally that makes me overly aware of things even if they aren't 'technically' happening, but I don't think that's the case because even my mom's pointed these things out. I dunno; I also feel like I have a very warped sense of self and don't really see myself how others do. kinda like how every doctor I'd seen in the last 2 years has said "Have you Always been this thin 👀??!" and I didn't really understand why until I took an outfit pic at home and then went to Walgreens to look for yummy and delicious chocolates and saw how I looked in the mirrors there compared to everyone else in the store, and then it finally clicked that I look abnormally skinny and lanky to them. and that only took 2 years for me to figure out... 👀..

 so this whole last week has been like. me doing mental gymnastics and trying to like, Sherlock Holmes my way into figuring out how I actually look. cause compared to any of the girls I see doing gal, I feel like like I look ugly. I don't think there's anything pretty about my face or how I look,  but the last like 3-4 months anyone and everyone's been saying otherwise.. oh shit do they think I'm gonna kill myself 😺. that's funny actually, I'm gonna go with that one so I don't have to think about this anymore ✌️😺.

 my disgusting mental state aside: let me take and share pics of my super cute bracelets I've gotten the last few weeks :D

I got them all at Savers, my favorite is the one on the bottom right :D. it's been easy finding wooden bracelets there, but I haven't seen any wooden necklaces.. sad!

I also painted my nails again, I got a new color 👍

I did 2 coats of Essie's, 'Main Attraction' 749

it's really similar to an LA Colors one I got at the dollar store; I really liked that one 👍. but I did this color on my fingers & toes so I match 👍

 I only have 1 more 'thoughts' thing to add to this super long post. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ such is life,

but I've been thinking more and more the last few months, "I want a boyfriend" but then I gotta really stop and think about it.. some guy, in my house, in my room, where I keep all my stuff, that I would have to have sex with at some point.... why the fuck would I want that? plus then I'd have to find a guy that I think is pretty.... that's nearly impossible 😭😭. so I've been cycling through that thought process multiple times a day, for many months now. when does it end?

 I paid for the shipping on my beautiful Mercari order thiiiisss morning? or last night, I don't remember. but I bought 4 new magazines 😺❤️ yippee! 2 new ego systems and a magazine I hadn't ever heard of, I think it's called snapxsnap. I hope it's good :)! so maybe after that arrives and my body somewhat fixes itself, I'll scan all my ego mags I haven't done yet.

 sorry for so much tonight, but it's things that have been eating away at my brain for a while cus they suck ass 👎. love you family, バイバイ 😺❤️