make pics & thoughts
Hi family, feeling like a loser as I do every Saturday ๐. boooo ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐
Been doing ya/manba makeup all week. It makes me feel better than agejo makeup. There's something about seriously altering your eyes like that makes you feel better when feeling like shit.
Anyways, I'll share my makeup looks from this week. It's all the same makeup just different days ¯\_(ใ)_/¯.
There was something I had posted on my story yesterday, I'm trying to remember what it was.. just trying to remember my own thoughts and make them coherent is a huge task ๐ฎ๐จ
mm. I'm gonna try and write out my half formed thoughts, sorry in advance
it's rude, but I'll sometimes see girls on Instagram who it looks like their makeup and clothes are wearing them, like, they'll own so much brand but it doesn't 'feel' like it's them. it feels like they do it just to say that they own brand/rare pieces, even if their look doesn't feel like it represents who they actually are. and after getting my mail the other day I was wondering if people think that about me. like, I feel prettier wearing my MA*RS pieces and the corresponding makeup, but I also worry that people in the gal comm. don't actually view my look as being agejo, and it makes me very hesitant to post those looks. I always feel like I need to be doing more and more when I wear the girlier styles, like I'll never actually be pretty enough to wear them correctly. but I think that's part of why I like the kinda dingy look that manba has. Since I first saw it I've loved something about it. Like, the best way I can describe it is, I don't feel out of place when I wear manba, whether I wear anything brand or not.
I've been feeling like a mega loser the last few weeks. Well it's really been like 3 years, but especially the last few weeks. I know none of you want or need to know about my personal life and my actual issues, but back in October of 2020 I had gotten sick to the point where I slept 19 hours everyday for like 3 weeks, I lost 20 lbs in that time, and during that my friends stopped messaging me entirely (actually that was before I'd gotten sick but still). That's pretty much the theme of how my life has been going since then. but uh, like a year and a half ago, I found out one of my other friends was also cut off entirely from that same friends group at the same time, and we've been talking since then. But for the last year I have been inviting him to hang out with me to do literally anything, and he always bails on me the day of. it's happened like 6 times ๐ซค. I feel like more of a moron than those women who get back together with their cheating boyfriends over and over :(. Like, logically, I know his life is going worse than mine and that's why he leaves his house even less than I do, but it still just feels like shit. It feels even worse knowing that he is the only friend I have where I live ๐ซค. Everyday I wish more and more that we'd never left Michigan. yeah.
That's my main 2 thoughts concerning me as of late. Both aren't like, "real" problems, like I know that most everyone in my life would tell me my life is so great if that's what I have to complain about, but it still sucks. I need to go sit in front of my heater cus downstairs is freezing. Feeling awful, love you family, talk later <3
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